Catherine

	Catherine's Inspiration for Kids

I couldn’t resist myself from writing to you - just to let you know Mom, I miss you so much. I feel so lonely and empty at times, I wish you could hug me from heaven just one more time. I hope that all those stories that you told us when we were children about “angels and heavens, streets being paved with gold and diamonds,” and the everlasting laughter and peace that heaven affords someone that has completed their work on earth are true. Then you deserve to be peaceful and experience eternal happiness.

When you were alive we had always discussed the idea of “charity begins at home” (I watched you demonstrate this) and the concept of “honoring your parents regardless of their shortcomings.” I distinctly remember you emphasize “giving someone flowers while they are alive” is more meaningful than after they have exited this earth. I can honestly say that I tried my best to live by these “mottoes” and that I have truly enjoyed every minute of your blissful existence on earth. I only wish that you could have stayed longer.

There are absolutely no words to describe the void that my heart feels with your “passing away” on December 18th, 2003. You have been such a crucial part of my life that my heart refuses to understand why you had to be snatched away from us so soon. I am aware that our “Maker” has the final word on these decisions; however, this does not make the pain any easier---my heart still craves for your warmth and affection. I miss you with all that I have and all of that I am.

Mom, the God of my understanding could not have paired me up with a more devoted and loyal shepherd like you as a mother and friend. Your dedication, loyalty and love have been the catalyst in keeping this family together through the best and the worst of times. Even when we differed on many, many things you always found a way to defuse the most difficult situations (always with a prayer) without any grudges. Anytime I needed my mood to be lifted or lightened, you have always been there with a smiling face. Anytime I had a problem to discuss, you had lent me your ears and then had prayed with me with intense devotion. I had always counted on your support for everything in my life.

Your calm disposition had made it easy for your kids to share of themselves with you, and trust you. You related to each and every one of us in a way that not only had uplifted our individual personalities, but your complimentary gestures had made us all feel extraordinary; for this we admire you. Your “openness of expression” and your radiant “pearly white” smile will always be a monumental fixture in my thoughts.

I always know where I stood with you Mom; there has absolutely been no “gray” area.

Mom, with tireless commitment you have taught us right from wrong and thus succeeded in setting a Christian foundation in our lives. This I agree was difficult because parenting is a confident art that not many people are successful at. Your consistency, your discipline and unwavering commitment to your family and your faith made the rest of my journey through life as your daughter easier than most of my peers. I never heard you complain even when things were brutally difficult and it seemed as if there was no way out. I was ashamed that on many occasions when we, as your children, questioned your quest to remain steadfast in your Christian walk regardless of what trials you endured---in the same way that “God tested Job’s faith.”

Today, I smile when I think, how befitting, your final resting place is in a historical national park (Valley Forge Memorial Park, Pa., USA) buried in the same cemetery where George Washington was laid to rest.

Nothing deterred or discouraged you mother---nothing at all. Your passion and eagerness to share your faith with your family and even with complete strangers was “relentless." You were a true soldier, a courageous veteran from many battles (life’s battles).

Walking down the memory lane I remember my first grade, my trip to Florence Christian Academy, a boarding school. I had no understanding how adults decided their children’s fate, the kind that you made by sending Chris, Cecil, Pinky and myself to Hluti, Swaziland at the most impressionable stages of life. At the time I resented the idea of being away from you and my familiar surroundings. I was barely five years old; how could I have understood such a drastic decision? Somehow, you managed to explain the necessity for making this choice and even though it did not make much sense at that time, today I applaud you for your bravery. You had let us go into the bigger world to learn life’s necessary skills; to know the community at large and grow ourselves through a proper cultural exchange. How unselfish and noble of you Mom. You protected us psychologically from the mental and physical abuse that you had to endure throughout your marriage at the hands of your husband and our father. Today I can proudly say you are my HEROINE.

When I think of the “good” and the “bad” times in my life, you were always there. I knew that I could always count on you regardless of whether we were side by side or miles apart or continents away. When there was a story to be shared or even a memory relived you always obliged. When I had the mumps and felt as ugly as “Popeye,” you made me feel as though I was the most beautiful little girl on the planet. How about the time that I had my appendix removed, you stood outside the operating room and waited for me to be wheeled out of the recovery room, reassuring me with your “radiant smile” that all went well and that I was going to be just fine.

I remember our humble beginnings in Noordgesig, Johannesburg, South Africa; it wasn’t much at all, (four rooms, that’s all) but somehow you kept it “clinical,” homely with love, enough to make us feel safe and secure. Despite our poverty, you taught us skills that we as your children have been proud to teach our children. Mom, not once did you make us feel like a burden. On the contrary, you always made us feel so valuable and needed. You protected us and made sacrifices for us, so that we as grownups could make similar sacrifices for our children. The “love” and “devotion” we share with our children today has been very easy, because we learned this from the BEST: you and Granny. You truly believed that love was “an emotion in motion” and that it should continue no matter what. You referred to “family as being an anchor.” I will hold dear your dying request. I promise to keep this family “anchored” the best way I know how. I will continue to feel your “hugs” from heaven—even the ones you referred to as “group hugs” the ones you gave us time after time when you wanted to feel close to your children in our formative years.

We watched you toil from sunup to sundown, working in a factory for a meager wage just to be able to put a plate of food on our table. Regardless of how little we had, you served it to us in a regal way: always at a table laid with white tablecloth (the only one we had) with silverware and china even if they weren’t real. Your love and dedication towards your children is a symbol for an ideal mother with a golden heart. We are indebted to you in so many ways, dear mom.

I fondly remember the yearly vacations every December when you took us for the church conferences. You taught us the value of money from a young age. Despite your meager income, you kept saving for what you believed was a “reward” that we as your children deserved for striving to get good grades, and for doing our share as team members of the household. You believed in teamwork. Even though we hated doing “chores” while our neighborhood friends played in the street, we made sacrifices because we knew that you were going out each day to work to keep us fed and clothed.

I watched how you respected and took care of your mother despite the racial divide that “Apartheid” had enforced on us as a minority race in South Africa. The “segregation” that was based on racial distinctions, the kind of law the “Group Areas Act” that made it illegal for Granny to live with us openly and confidently because she was a tribal black woman. When it wasn’t “cool” or “politically correct” for you to be proud of your black tribal mother you stood tall, proud and devoted to your mother, Lucy Mothlewane-Rhadebe.
Despite the racial epithets (because of granny’s skin color) from people in our neighborhood, the humiliating “pass-book” raids that granny had to be subjected to from time to time, and the continued insults that we faced as a family from people in our neighborhood, you were protective of your mother. The racial insults: the ones when Granny was called a “Kaffir” the same insults that we as your children had to endure being called “White Kaffirs.” You had stood firm in your decision and never ever broke down in such grim situations.

Despite all those victimizations that we had had to endure, you held your head up high and embraced your diverse heritage. You were some brave lady, Mom; you will always have my respect. I remember thinking to myself at age six years old: Wow, my mom really does adore her mother. Someday, when I grow up, I want to continue loving (you) my mother in the same way that I witnessed you loving and respecting your mother. Your indomitable zest for “life” was contagious. You kept us (your children) motivated and hopeful about our future. Your spirit of COMPASSION for the mankind is immeasurable.

Your lack of formal education did not stop you from encouraging us to reach for the stars and be the best that we could be. You exposed us to the arts at a very young age even though you yourself were not too schooled in this area. You sowed the seeds for my love for music and arts; for which I will always be grateful to you-thank you so much, Mother!

The bible versus you taught us day in and day out keeps ringing in my ears and I still remember each and every one of them.

Those weekly bible “quizzes” you drilled us on. What a memory booster this was for your children’s young minds. The choruses and Christian spirituals we learned from you both in Sotho, Swazi and English; how lucky we were to have experienced tolerance and diversity at such a young age.

You trained us in Mathematics and reasoning skills. You were the only parent (besides Daddy) I knew that added, subtracted, multiplied and divided numerals without a calculator which at that time seemed a miracle to me. But your greatest traits, the ones I most desired, is your gift of humility, compassion, and love for the destitute and downtrodden. Our home was an orphanage long before I even knew how to spell the word correctly. Our home was a revolving door for anyone that needed a plate of food or a bed to lay their weary heads. You shared whatever you had with complete strangers even when you were not able to feed your kids. You epitomized Christianity with Love-In-Action.

I remember your disappointment when I fell pregnant with Dexter as a young adult, and it felt as though the entire church congregation and our family were waiting to judge me. But you embraced me and assured me that I would make an awesome mother regardless of your disappointment and my inexperience. You coached me along, and “clueless” I thrived and aspired to be the best mother I could be; you remained supportive throughout. I also remember with fondness watching your happy face the day Dexter was born. You held my hand and prayed while I was in labor, and remarkably everything was over in one hour and thirty-five minutes. You were elated and assured me that it could have been worse. Even in my weakness, I felt your love. Your strength comforted me when you realized that Dexter was healthy and that I was going to be okay. I heard your tears of joy outside the delivery room: you were thanking God for the new addition to your family.

And how can I forget your great timing? You arrived in the United States on the day that Pierre was born, November 27th 1985. Mom, this was the greatest gift that you could ever have given Pierre, Dexter, and me.

You dedicated yourself unselfishly to helping and “pitching in” whenever you were needed, while I was single-handedly raising my children. You even dedicated your time and love in helping me to raise Mark and Kimm, two of your other grandchildren who were also a part of our household—your love for them was equally admirable. We will treasure your gift of patience and your unconditional LOVE in all of our lives forever.

Mother, I remember the time when I discussed my dream about wanting to leave South Africa to seek a better future for my son and my siblings and their families. The seed that granny had planted in my head when I was eleven years old while she, Zenobia and I took that now “infamous” train ride to Kroonstad, Orange Free State, South Africa, the one that changed the way I looked at life forever. The train ride where Granny got beaten up by the white train conductor because she was on the train with Zenobia and me in the third class section of the train. He thought that Zenobia and I were two white children. He said that Granny had stolen us from a “white master” in the suburbs of Johannesburg. Mom, I protested and stood up for my granny—Granny almost killed me when I reached out to bite the white conductor’s arm while I tried to protect Granny—the conductor was roughing-up Granny in front of us and also complete strangers. This experience made me feel that we were doomed to live a humiliating life but I was not ready to let some complete stranger strip Granny of her dignity. I know that I infuriated the “white” conductor because instead of slapping me he slapped Granny across her face—her nose began to bleed. He called her a “stupid Kaffir” and demanded that the train be stopped immediately. He grabbed me by my red frizzy hair and told me that if I did not “settle-down” and behave that he would “strap my behind.” I wasn’t listening to anything that he was saying; all I was concerned with was protecting my Granny from this racist man so, I stomped, screamed, kicked and spat at the conductor while he slapped those cold metal handcuffs on Granny’s trembling wrist. As soon as the train came to an abrupt halt, he summoned for two rookie police officers that had since joined the mayhem, and they ushered us into a holding pen at the Parys train station. They shoved Granny onto a brown bench against the wall to sit while the supervisor in the office made numerous phone calls talking to everyone he knew but to US.

Oh! Mom, what an awful and traumatic humiliation Granny, Zenobia and I had to endure. Despite the humiliation, Granny’s regal dignity glowed across her face as she looked at Zenobia and myself and assured us of her love. I had never seen Zenobia so frightened and distressed watching granny being beaten and me carrying on as though I had lost my mind. Zenobia stood in a corner with one hand clutching her chest and the other hand across her eyes as though she was attempting to block everything out. The tears streamed down her freckled face while her nose leaked non-stop. I too was crying but my tears were filled with anger and rage at the world. Granny wasn’t too thrilled by my behavior while I was trying to protect her. However, after we were cleared and released from custody, Granny looked me right in the eye as I stood on another brown bench on the platform marked for “Nie Blanke” (For “Blacks Only”)—she said “Margot, you could have gotten us killed young lady; don’t you ever do that again.” Despite her shock and anger after the ordeal, Granny assured me that my courage and tenacity made her feel proud to have me in her corner. She too believed in me and encouraged me to continue to remain courageous but “under different circumstances in the future.” Granny assured me that I had the ability to weather any storm that would come my way, then and in the future. She told me that I would be the one to “pioneer” and leave South Africa to find a better life for my family and myself far away from the constant humiliation and racism that we were always being subjected to; both by people of our own race, and the oppressive Apartheid government. You agreed with Granny and encouraged me to set my sights high.

Knowing full well that I did not have sufficient amount of money to leave South Africa, you encouraged me without hesitation to pursue my dream. Not once did you ever make me feel that I would not be able to accomplish it. And then after saving for months to purchase two airline tickets for Dexter and me, and without any extra money to contribute yourself, I left South Africa with two suitcases, my five-year-old son and R13-00 in my pocket. You supported that tenacious risk.

Here again, Mom, you came through for me. You gave me the gold watch presented to you at Pfizer Laboratories, where you worked continuously for twenty-five years as a factory worker. You told me to sell it, or pawn it, if it came to that. You told me to keep in touch every step of the way by calling you “collect” regardless of what the cost to you. All these wonderful gestures of support gave me the “courage” never to fail or give up. I felt your prayers when things became tough and I felt that I could not continue. However, I never gave up, because I knew that you were on your knees praying for my eventual success. Today I can proudly say I am elated at the opportunity to share with you and others (if you can call it that), because you believed in me and never made me feel inadequate. I felt God’s hand of protection over Dexter and me all during our travels across the continents. I feel so blessed to have had you as my motivational coach. Thank you, Mother.

How will I ever be able to watch JEOPARDY, the TRAVEL channel, the DISCOVERY channel, and your favorite, THE AMAZING RACE, and not think about you? We shared the same tenacious love for travel. We were both equally excited about the countries we managed to travel and enjoyed over the last eighteen years. When I think of the places you and I have visited, and the pleasures you derived just from preparing for flight…how I loved watching the expression on your face. I know that I am going to have a great deal of difficulty going on our next yearly family cruise without you around. You were an awesome roommate, Mother! The pleasures you gleefully shared with me while standing on the cabin balcony while praising God for having created the vast ocean and the liner that we sailed on.

Oh! Mom, the “secrets” we both shared with each other on so many occasions. Mom, I cherished the love and your support during the time of my traumatic and shameful experience—(the rape) in 1978. You assured me that those two white police officers would be punished some day, perhaps not by the law but definitely by GOD. You were a true friend and confidant when I felt that my life was over. You assured me that it wasn’t my fault. That I should not feel “shame” and “guilt” for something I had no control over. I would never have been able to survive that life-changing violation and victimization without your love, support and prayers. You were the BEST!

Mom, God even made it possible for you to bring one of your life-long friends to share in those pleasures (traveling) that you deserved after the many years of struggles that you experienced. The experiences you and I shared with Aunt Martha, sailing to so many countries and traveling by car from state to state, this experience is still unforgettable. You always said that your biggest regret was not being able to share with your other valuable friends that had passed on—the late Mama Di Kothla, the late Mrs. Martha Coppin, and Cecilia Cooledge. You loved them all so much. They were your prayer sisters.
You were so proud and appreciative to have had the chance to be in your adoptive country (the USA). However, you never forgot your roots and where you came from, --South Africa. You loved your “tribal” people and you were always pleased to make phone calls to South Africa just to be able to speak with your relatives in their tribal language. However, you were pleased that it became possible to bring Aunt Martha Carter to share in your joy exactly one year before you passed on. I will continue to respect, honor, and care for Aunt Martha as you requested. She will remain another valuable friend.

Mom, you never needed much to make you happy. This is what I appreciated most about you—your humble acceptance of simple gifts and your appreciation for anything that your children and grandchildren did or made for you had made you glow with happiness. A small flower or a hand made card by a child was enough, your grandchildren put a glowing smile on your face. These precious memories enrich each and every one of us. Believe it or not Mother, there is not a child, grandchild or great-grandchild that will not treasure the crocheted “Afghans” that you labored to make, crafting these year after year, until you completed a magnificent piece for each of us.

Thank you again, Mom. Between the “afghan” that you made for me, and the “place settings” that Aunt Martha crocheted for me, I don’t need anything else. I feel loved by both of you.

I applaud you for the values that you instilled in your children and the spirit of “compassion” for others that you stressed while raising us. You believed that “no man can truly claim total happiness unless they have reached out and helped the less privileged;” how true this is. I give you my word: I will do everything in my power to make your desire and ambition come to fruition to open an “orphanage” in Johannesburg, South Africa, build a church for Reverend Jardine and his wife to serve and take care of the families and children in the squatter camps in Lawley, Johannesburg, South Africa. I will do my best to build an orphanage in Lesotho, Botswana and Swaziland. And I will take care of Sarah, your cousin, and your second cousin in Skukuneland, South Africa. I know you and I were both burdened with the thought of young children going to bed without food. You were particularly distressed that the rest of the world was not doing more to protect the innocent children who were afflicted with the HIV virus in Africa. But most importantly, Mom, you were even more burdened and saddened at the “criminal behavior” of some very sick and distorted male adults—raping infants in the belief that they could “cleanse” themselves of the HIV virus and also that the governments were not doing anything to stop and prosecute these evil barbarians. I watched you sob in front of the television while you and I both watched a documentary on this subject. You looked over at me and together we committed in private to implementing a plan to go to Africa to rescue those helpless children and have the government do something about such heinous, victimization. You made me promise that I would do everything in my power to put THE PLAN in action and travel to South Africa to love, support and protect these helpless children. You have my word, Mother, I will. Your priority was always protecting the homeless, helpless and hopeless CHILDREN all across the world.

I cannot forget when I approached you and discussed with you the prospect of my writing a book or two. Your first reaction was: What is the book going to be about? I told you that it was a “memoir” and your reply was, “You want to tell the world about our lives, Margot?” I said,

Yes Mom, why not? I was amazed when you said, “if our life story can encourage other people to believe in themselves, then go ahead and tell the story.” You also told me that if there was anything that I was not sure about, I can ask you; I am so grateful that you lived to see the manuscript completed and hopefully ready to be published some day. I am even more grateful that you helped me give the book a title—“Across the Colour Line.” I saw how attentive you were while I read the manuscript to you night after night on one of our cruises; you were so amazed to hear that I was able to put our life story on paper. I remember the night when I had finished reading the manuscript to you, and you looked at me and said, “Margot, I am so proud of you; you did an awesome job.” Your validation of my work encouraged me to continue doing what I enjoy so much, writing. Thank you for believing in me and giving me your support and cooperation. I want the entire world to know the sacrifices you had made for your family and the love you had for your own and other’s children. Mom, you believed that LOVE-IN-ACTION can save many, many children’s lives. You have sowed the seed of love in us and I will carry your task and spread the word love in every soul I meet. I will make you live in others too.

I want to hold onto the wonderful memories of my childhood that I shared with you. The homemade concerts that you staged faithfully every Friday night in our home in Noordgesig and Riverlea in South Africa—great experience for young children to thrive and do their best. The talent and singing contests that you encouraged and staged amongst your children in our humble home—what great fun we had. You had the most beautiful singing voice. You even encouraged us to play various board games with you. I still struggle with chess, but I understand it much better than I play. You will never believe how my positive self-esteem as an adult is rooted in those formative years that I spent with you, Mother. You boosted your children’s morale no matter what our failures, and you never made a single child feel superior to the next. To you, Mother, we were “equal” “equality.”

I still remember how you challenged us to read one book a week and to have a book report every Friday night written and placed on the living room table. You were clear about what you wanted: the title of the book, the author’s name and a one-page narrative on what the story (in our own words) was about. You wanted to make sure that we understood what we read. However, I figured out early on in my life that we were also teaching you to perfect your reading skills; privately you were an avid reader yourself. It was your way to make us realize that a well-rounded knowledge of the world, a good vocabulary and an understanding of what took place beyond the four walls of our home and neighborhood were of vital importance. I am so fortunate that I had this experience, and it encouraged me to develop an insatiable appetite for reading and a curiosity of the world and a tolerance for all mankind.

Mom, your travel and physical presence in America for the last eighteen years of your life changed your children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren forever. We got to split you in many pieces because we loved you so much. You were present during the birth of most of your grandchildren and great grandchildren. Even your presence and support at all our children’s school functions, grandparents days, recitals, Sea Cadet functions, high school graduations, college graduations, anniversaries, and birthdays shows your responsibility towards your family.

How can I forget how you nursed your grandson Luigi back to health from a devastating illness he went through a few months before you “passed-on” –at a time when you were also not doing all that well. Here again you demonstrated the kind of LOVE that we have all benefited from. What a gift you have given us! Your Unselfish Company and devotion, coupled with pride as a mother, Granny and Nana…thank you so much for being the awesome Matriarch of our family.

I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for believing in me and supporting me morally when I decided to go back to school. I basked in your pride for me and your million-dollar smile when I received good grades. I also remember when I told you that I had signed up to go to college you were “elated.”

Every time I felt that I was in over my head, that I was stressed out, you reminded me that I was capable of anything and that you were praying for my success. Boy, I couldn’t imagine completing college while working twelve-hour shifts in the nursing field and attending college full-time without your support and prayers. You were the greatest mentor and friend any child could ever ask for.

Watching your face at each of my graduations made the journey feel so much more meaningful. Hearing you call my name and cheer for me at my graduations completed my education. These are the wonderful memories that will sustain me forever. Mom, you always thought of yourself as “ordinary”, but I assure you, to me, you were “extra ordinary.” I will miss the special treat that you made for me from time to time, the spinach with crushed peanuts; how thoughtful of you. Mom, you always made your children feel special. The love you have shared with your children and great-grandchildren will go unmatched by any experience I have ever known.

Thank you for understanding my love for animals. Even though you were not crazy about “dogs” you felt my sorrow when my beloved dog Chico was killed. You genuinely supported me through that loss. You even sent me a sympathy card and told me that privately you too thought that Chico was a special dog. You have always given special care and attention to all your children’s likes and dislikes. Your non-judgmental attitude is something not too many children and grandchildren get to experience in a Mother and Granny. I have always said if “sainthood” was purchasable, there is no question that I would have purchased it many times over because you deserve this honor.

Mom, I want you to know that every day that I get to live and breathe from here on out, you will always be in my thoughts and in my heart. I know that MOTHER’S DAY, your BIRTHDAY and my BIRTHDAY will never be the same again because you are not here in the physical sense. It will be different but you will be with me in SPIRIT. I will celebrate these memorable dates with fondness and tons of love and tears. I know that I will cry each year only because I know that your spirit will be celebrating with me. When I feel “strengthless” I will gain my strength from you because you and Granny were true “women of strength.” My love for you will remain “boundless.” You are a hard act to imitate and I can only aspire to be a miniscule part of who you were. Your spirit will live on forever because you have left a legacy, a legacy of a “powerful love” that we as your children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, friends and even complete strangers have benefited from. Mom, I did not only LOVE you but I genuinely LIKED you. What a REGAL legacy to leave behind LOVE-IN-ACTION!

Be there in my thoughts, in my dreams, in my actions and of course in Catherine’s Inspiration for Kids. We all need you!

With all my love.

Your daughter and best friend forever!
MARGOT